An unauthorized collection of the records of Alternate Energy Holdings, inc., its principals and subsidiaries, and their antics, trials, and tribulations

Former AEHI CEO Don Gillispie

Former AEHI CEO Don Gillispie
OK, everyone, I've got to step out for just a minute. I'll be right back, I promise!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

How They Make Bad News Sound Good: AEHI Provides Business Update and Recap of Key Milestones

Been missing AEHI's almost daily barrage of press releases?  Here's one to catch us up from where they've left us hanging since December 13th.

(note- satire ahead)

AEHI Provides Business Update and Recap of Key Milestones; Major Progress Only Slightly Delayed Towards Local Approval of Nuclear Reactor; Nothing Really Wrong Around Here; CEO and Senior VP Announce Hard-Earned Vacations

(Source: DudeNewsWire) BOISE, Idaho, December 23, 2010 (via RUBE NEWSWIRE) -- Alternate Energy Holdings, Inc. (OTCQB:AEHI) today provided a business update for the fourth quarter of 2010.

Key Events and Milestones:

- Dec 14th: AEHI was offered a temporary suspension to the trading and selling of company stock by a helpful and gracious Securities and Exchange Commission.  "We're really grateful to the SEC for giving us this opportunity to stop, take a breather and catch up on orders," said AEHI CEO Don Gilllispie.  "The shares were flying off the shelves faster than we could print them at these ridiculously low prices, so this will give us an opportunity to get a few hundred million more printed off before people start buying them up again in anticipation of our phenomenal returns."

Dec 15th:  Undaunted by the temporary suspension of stock sales, Payette County leaders weighed in with their continued support: "We appreciate the hard work our government watchdogs are doing in paving the way for even more investors to participate in our County's economic well-being," said a beaming Payette County Planning Commissioner.

- Dec 16th: The SEC and the Federal Court in Boise invited AEHI and its Key Executives Don Gillispie and Jennie Ransom to present AEHI's unique business model to the U.S. Court.  "This rarely-issued invitation couldn't come at a better time for AEHI, what with all these Key Milestones right up around the corner," said AEHI CEO Don Gillispie. 
 "The opportunity to showcase my company's assets in a well-appointed wood paneled room in Boise's exclusive downtown Federal Building shows what business acumen and good decorating taste the Federal Judge and SEC attorneys have", echoed highly essential and Key Senior Vice President Jennifer Ransom.  "We will also be accepting the court officials' resumes just before the presentation, and since we ran out of both stock and little green stickers, we hope these gift baskets will show our appreciation for their support," added Ransom from the front seat of her Range Rover.

-Dec. 20th: The AEHI offices at 911 E Winding Creek Drive in Eagle were a flurry of activity Monday, with Key Company Officials booked solid all day signing Key Agreements with and on behalf of AEHI affiliates and subsidiaries in preparation for AEHI's business presentation to the Federal Judge and Key SEC Officials.  I've got so many successful companies, I can't keep them all straight," joked AEHI CEO Don Gillispie, while signing the groundbreaking agreement with AEHI and Don's own Energy Executive Consulting, LLC, which will also be presenting to the Court.  Court messenger service personnel attended the five signing ceremonies that day on behalf of the Honorable U.S. District Judge Edward Lodge, who was unable to attend due to prior commitments.  "We are happy to have these agreements signed and can now announce yet another Key Milestone Date for the Company: Feburary 3, 2011, when Jennie and I make our presentation to the actual official U.S. Government."  "Save the Date!" added an ecstatic Ransom from her well-decorated office as she perused invitation announcements on the internet.

-Dec 20th:  After a whirlwind week at the Interplanetary Global AEHI Headquarters in Eagle, an exhausted and emotionally spent CEO and his Key Senior Vice President announced they would be taking some well-deserved and hard-earned vacation time.  "Signing Groundbreaking Agreements which lead to Key Milestones is really, really hard work," according to Key Senior Vice President Jennifer Ransom. 
"This little peach right here has really been workin' her tail off," said AEHI CEO Don Gillispie of his Senior Vice President.  "You wouldn't believe what Jennie brings to the table in the running of highly successful businesses like ours.  Now we've just got to take a little time off to be ready to hit the ground running with this fast moving train. We'll be back after an indefinite period of time," added a beaming Gillispie.

Safe Harbor Notice:
AEHI has no money, no plan, and no hope whatsoever of doing a damned thing with your investment except spending it on our lavish lifestyles like jewelry, cruises, and expensive sports cars. Your mileage may vary. If you don't like it, go invest somewhere else.  Don't ask us too many questions and don't say we didn't tell you so. Neener. Now hand it over. All of it. 

5 comments:

  1. Dude, Are you sure Martin Johncox isn't writing for you these days?

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  2. Retired Payette County Mayor's AssociationDecember 23, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    Good stuff Maynard! :-)

    Kind of makes me want to send them some money? Not!

    Sounds just like Johncox, only funny!

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  3. this is great! keep it coming.

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  4. This blogs sucks. Yea, I'll bet it was Johncox that wrote the above. For sure there is a rat. Someone must be sharing e-mails with the feds. Who else could it be?

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  5. A rat? The existence of, and resentment towards, something called a 'rat' implies there was actual wrongdoing to 'rat out'. Sharing emails with "the feds" poses no risk to a company operating legally and above board. Remember, this is a publicly traded company with a legal obligation to the public and to its shareholders, and does not have the same rights to privacy as John Q Public. Johncox's style is so superficial and plastic it is easily mimicked and deservedly mocked when one examines his body of AEHI writings over the last four years.

    Glad the blog was at least effective enough to get you comment on it.

    ReplyDelete