"On February 7, 2011, Alternate Energy Holdings, Inc. (the "Company") accepted the resignations, effectively immediately, of Mr. Leon Eliason and Mr. Gregory Kane from the Board of Directors of the Company. Mr. Eliason and Mr. Kane have each served on the Board of Directors of the Company since the Company’s inception in 2006. Both Mr. Eliason and Mr. Kane resigned due to personal reasons and not over any disagreement with the Company’s Board of Directors or its management.
The Company intends to search for potential candidates to appoint as new directors of the Company to fill the vacancies created by Mr. Eliason’s and Mr. Kane’s resignations."
Here's a draft ad to help the company fill these vital positions so Don and Jenny can get that company credit card up and running again:
Dynamic Nuclear Startup Seeks Directors
Fast Growing, fast spending, and fast talking nuclear company seeks to fill two positions on the company board of directors. Successful applicants will pretend to exercise corporate oversight while ignoring large wheelbarrows of cash, jewelry, cruise tickets, and post-it notes being shoveled into Maseratis, Range Rovers, and Platinum Ford F150(Compensating Edition) Pickups. Candidates should be blind, deaf, and functionally illiterate to avoid uncomfortable situations involving angry shareholders, regulators, and SEC investigators. Board members receive as compensation these handsome stock certificates which are also suitable for framing. Speaking of framing, the CEO didn't do it and you shouldn't ask. And the last guys left because they wanted to go fishing more, we swear. And don't forget, we have the fifth amendment, just in case you might need it in the future.
Submit resumes to: That hastily erected tent on the street corner staffed by
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| Key Senior Executive Vice President for StreetCorner Resume Tents Jennifer Ransom and (now former) Chief Press Release Writer Martin Johncox work over a crowd with promises of jobs in a nonexistent plant. |
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| Key Senior Excecutive Vice President for NonExistent Job Resume Submissions Jennifer Ransom accepts resume for nonexistent job in nonexistent plant. Note nearby purse brimming with cruise tickets, keys to Range Rover. |
All of those people's applications should be on file. All they need to do is call!!
ReplyDeleteNow you're against jobs you scumbag communist?
ReplyDeleteWhat jobs? That resume stunt in the photos was pulled on April 22, 2009- over 18 months ago, during which time the little peach in the photo managed to blow over a million dollars of shareholder money. Still no jobs, still no plant. While you're free to think the Dude is a scumbag, rest assured he's no communist.
ReplyDeleteWhos the scumbag? The one who reports the lies that were told about non existent jobs, or the one that quantified anothers position based on the empty promises of jobs by liars to desperate people?
ReplyDeleteWhat the heck are they doing with those sprinklers on?!!! For Heavens sake is this the sort of "planning" that goes on in the AEHI headquarters? Sheesh
ReplyDeleteActually, this was AEHI's road show, April 22, 2009. They pulled this despicable stunt conveniently right outside a pending rezone hearing in Elmore County, taking resumes from desparate people in exchange for their supportive testimony and agreement to sport little green "AEHI Supporter" stickers inside the hearing. Still no jobs.
ReplyDelete